Thursday, March 2, 2006

SportsCenter catchphrases & their usage contexts

I watch so much SportsCenter that I figured I'd try to chronicle the non sequitors that they use to punctuate excellent sports moments.

  • Three beers apiece for my co-workers -- While high-fives among teammates are being exchanged. Derivation: Shawshank Redemption

  • What's on the grill? -- Punctuates the moment when someone, usually Dwayne Wade, dunks in someone else's face, i.e. "Jason Collins, what's on the grill?"

  • Pay for my dry cleaning! -- Accentuated a Vince-Carter-administered NBA playoff dunk. Derivation: SNL

  • Bartender! Johnny Walker Red. -- Highlight involving the Cincinnati Reds.

  • _____ has powers comparable to Wonderboy! -- Fill in the blank with any player who is about to do something amazing in the highlight reel. Derivation: Tenacious D.

  • That's levitation, homes. -- Dunk that could otherwise be described with the words "helicopter," "windmill," or "tomahawk," or any dunk by Vince Carter or Andre Igoudala in the month of December 2005. Derivation: Tenacious D.

  • Bartender! Canadian Club. -- used in conjunction with the Blue Jays, Raptors, or any Canadian NHL team.

  • Get to the chopper! -- Variously applied, e.g. Albert Pujols has just hammered the crap out of the ball and is beginning to trot around the bases; Ben Wallace has completely plastered an opponent's dunk attempt and is sprinting back downcourt, where he receives an alley-oop from Chauncey Billups and throws it down in some guy's face; Julius Peppers has just sprinted 20 yards in approximately 1.5 seconds in order to light up a quarterback. Derivation: Predator

  • Bartender! Shot of Jack. -- This, I think, was the original "Bartender" exclamation. Usually used in connection with a homerun.

  • Bartender! Cuba Libre -- Introducing any story involving Cuba during the World Baseball Classic.

  • Kill me, I'm here! -- General exclamation. I've only heard this one once, and it accompanied a hockey highlight. Derivation: Predator

  • That's it and that's all. -- Usually to punctuate a player's execution of a coup de grace, e.g. "Allen Iverson's three in the closing seconds puts the Sixers up for good. That's it and that's all." Derivation: Lil Sis

  • (Always in progress)

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